Sabbehi me piyehi manāpehi

I don’t always miss you.

Lost in dreamless sleep, I long for nothing and no one.

When I’m busy and focused,

I don’t notice that a part of me is elsewhere, miles and miles away.

When I’m aware

Of the sound of silence, my breath, or the birds in the trees

I’m not drifting, lost, a sail without wind on an endless sea.

But otherwise…

When night approaches quietly, and emptiness creeps in like something slithering,

When memories come crashing in like waves, leaving an ebb of regret,

When the rest of the day goes on,

Your face tugs at the sleeve of my mind

Over and over

Reminding me of all I’ve left behind,

And all that I could lose.

Author: mettatsunami

In 2009 I was working full time in medicine, and living a life that was alienated from what I truly valued. While volunteering with a local hospice, I began to wonder: "What would I do differently if I had six months to live?". This began the impetus to change direction. While it has been a case of two steps forward, one step back in many ways, there has still been slow movement in the direction of a more authentic life. Since the pivotal decision to change direction, I have been a Buddhist nun, returned to lay life, changed Buddhist schools, returned to medicine part time, and then full time, quit again, traveled extensively, trained in yoga, spent time in several Buddhist monasteries, and am in the process of how to live according with Buddhist and yogic practice and values, and how to streamline this life into something worthwhile. In the Theravadan Buddhist practice, one of the daily reflections is "Has my practice born fruit with freedom or insight, so that at the end of my life, I need not feel ashamed when questioned by my spiritual companions?". That is my practice. My goal in this blog is to share the journey along the way.

6 thoughts on “Sabbehi me piyehi manāpehi”

  1. A Beautiful heartfelt poem. You have many homes. One is in or near White Salmon. Pick one. May you find contentment, and a feeling of plenty, after this fine traveling you have done, to see the larger world, and what it can offer you.
    May you Bloom Where You are Planted.
    Metta and gentleness, to you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dearest Daughter of the Buddha and Sister of my Heart: “Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.” Faith, surrender, trust, refuge and grace – may these light your way and help you to relocate your luminous inner Khemiyā. I am singing there with you dear one. Much metta across the miles. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “Sabbehi me piyehi manāpehi” Of all the five remembrances, perhaps this is the most poignant – for us all. You express it most beautifully. May you/we find refuge in the knowing.

    Liked by 1 person

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